


The Heaviness in my Heart Belongs to Gravity

by Crying_ram



Series: Mercury [3]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Character Death, Depends on how you look at it, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Happy Ending, Heaven??, Heavy Angst, M/M, there are other people but yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-03-26 16:12:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13861362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crying_ram/pseuds/Crying_ram
Summary: When he looks at him, the hole that has been in his chest is suddenly filled again.He leans forward, placing a soft kiss to those lips that he adores, and there's no place he'd rather be.He's here, he's hereHe's home.





	The Heaviness in my Heart Belongs to Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't want to leave the series off on a bad note, but..  
> I don't know if I exactly consider this happy either. 
> 
> Some endings are more bittersweet than anything.

There are so many things he hasn't done yet. 

There are so many things he hasn't done, yet he doesn't necessarily feel afraid that he is dying. He is vaguely aware that he is speaking, but he can't really grasp the words that are falling from his mouth.

Eliza holds his hand, and he gives it a tight squeeze, tries to tell her not to cry, that everything will be okay. He aches for her, knows how much it hurts to lose the person you loved more than anything. 

At least she's getting to say goodbye, though. Alexander never got the chance. 

She's saying something, words a desperate plea, and he opens his mouth to comfort her, but all that comes out is a fountain of red, which makes her cry harder. He presses his free hand down over the bullet wound, tries to will away the sharp pain, though he already knows it won't work. 

"Dry your tears, my dearest,"He murmured, giving a small smile to his wife. His lovely, understanding wife, a strong pillar who did nothing but support him through the years. She deserved so much more, so much better than what he had given her.  
"Heaven will preserve me. Remember, my love, you are Christian,"he breathed, and Eliza's whole body shook with her sobs, choking out a prayer. 

Alexander let his eyes fall shut, body beginning to grow limp. His life flashed behind his closed eyes, and it took all of his strength not to cry when he saw John's face, a clear and perfect memory.

His memories ended with a bright flash, and he felt warm, couldn't suppress the wide smile that overtook his face. 

"My dear Eliza, I hope I don't see you again for many more years to come,"he whispered. He meant it with every fiber of his being, too. In his eyes, one of the only things he'd ever done right was get Eliza in his life. "Please, please stay with me,"she said desperately, clutches his hand as if it can keep him alive. He couldn't help but find it endearing, sweet in a way that was so characteristically Eliza. "You have been everything to me and more. 'til we meet again, best of wives and women. " The warmth filled him, worming it's way through his entire body, making him light, airy. 

He could see the other side, could see his son, his mother.

His dearest, John.

He didn't fight death any longer, willingly let it take him. 

When he died, Eliza screamed. Longed for him to open his eyes again, sit up and continue on as if he hadn't been shot at all. 

Her heart tore, cracked wide open, and she let it bleed, let her heart ache for her husband and dead son. 

The time for tears would end soon, she decided. She had a story to tell, after all. 

__

When he opens his eyes again, he is somewhere different. He sits up in the middle of a grassy field, wonders if this is heaven. He gets to his feet, looking around in awe. It isn't exactly as he had pictured it, in fact, it's an awful lot like Earth, but it's beautiful nonetheless. 

He begins to walk, stops when he hears a familiar voice calling his name. Before he can even properly turn, someone slams into him, knocking him back down to the soft grass. He expects it to hurt, but remembers that there is no pain anymore, for he is dead. 

The figure pulls back slightly, and Alexander's eyes widen in surprise and joy when he sees his son's face staring back at him. 

"Philip,"he mumbles, disbelief coloring his tone. Philip only nods, tears streaming down his cheeks as he smiles broadly.  
"My son!"He exclaims, pulling him in for a tight hug.  
His joy is short lived, however, when he remembers the reason Philip is here in the first place. 

"My son, I'm so, so sorry. I should have been a better father, should have guided you better. Because of me, you're here. Because of me, you'll never take another breath. Because of me, you're-"he finds himself unable to finish, holding his son close as he cries. 

"It's not your fault, Pop, and even if I thought it were, I still would have forgiven you by now,"his son replies softly, and Alexander holds him tighter, chanting his son's name over and over again. 

Philip waits patiently, waits until Alex's tears stop to pull back, a gentle smile on his face.  
He looks so much like his mother when he smiles, Alexander realizes, and his heart clenches all over again with pain. "Come on, let's go. There are others here, someone who's been waiting forever to see you again,"Philip states, slightly giddy, and Alexander freezes, feeling he knows who his son is talking about. 

"You met him?"he asks, and his son nods, eyes soft and understanding. 

"I have. He's a great man, Pop. Little sad we had to meet here of all places, but I'm glad I met him. He told me a lot about you,"he says the last part carefully, and Alexander looks down at his hands, smiling nervously. 

"You love him, don't you?"Philip asks, and he doesn't want to lie, doesn't want to hurt his son in any way ever again. He offers only a small hum of affirmation, but this seems to be enough for Philip, and he quickly gets to his feet, dragging Alexander with him. 

"You have to see him right away, then,"he mutters, and it startles Alex, causes him to choke on his breath. 

"What? Don't you think what we did was wrong?"Alex questions, trying to keep his tone light, hoping it doesn't betray his true nerves. His son doesn't respond for a while, simply continues to walk, expression unreadable as he leads. 

"I didn't understand it at first, "he says finally, voice soft as a feather, and Alex doesn't even think about interuppting, gives his son time to speak.

"At first I thought he was insane, there was no way you could love him, do something so..."he trails off, and Alex has to bite back a laugh at the fact that his son seems ashamed by his own thoughts.  
"you can fill in the blanks, I'm sure. I didn't take too kindly to him at first because of it. But.. Then I noticed the way he looked when he said your name. I noticed how he always seemed to be looking over you, rooting you on in the only way he could. "

Philip pauses, as if pondering how to go about saying next words. Alexander notices that they're now approaching a lovely little cottage, but he doesn't mention it, wants to hear what his son has to say about his and John's love for each other. 

"When I used to see you and mom together, it didn't always seem right. Like two puzzle pieces that could fit together if they tried, but you'd have to make them fit. Cut pieces off of them, leave them a little torn apart,"he breathes, and Alexander understands too well, though in their case it was more of him cutting pieces off Eliza. He is once again struck with guilt, with the thought that he should have given her more. 

"You and John, though,"his son begins again, actively pulling Alex from his thoughts,"well, I haven't ever seen you two together, but the way he talks about you.. It's special. And I'm no fool, Pop, he's gorgeous. He's bold, different, speaks as if he never wants to stop. It seems like you two would work well together. "

Alex grins at the statement, at the sentiment. His son accepts him, actually accepts him! This wasn't anything he could have ever imagined happening, and now that his son knows, he wants nothing more than to find John, have him in his arms as soon as he can. 

"We did work well together,"Alex responds easily, and his son snorts softly, rolling his eyes. 

"I'm unsure if I want to know the depth at which you worked well together, but I'm glad for you two,"he says drily, and the insinuation of his words makes Alex's cheeks flame red. 

"Where has my darling, sweet son gone? My heart aches for your days of innocence,"he rejoins dramatically, ruffling his son's hair. Philip glares at him, but there is no heat to it, and there's a large smile on his face.

"We'll have a funeral for my innocence once we reach the house. Won't be long now,"Philip jokes, and Alexander's heart suddenly fills with an inexplicable amount of pride. He looks at his son, really looks at him, takes in the way he had grown to be; strong, reliable, graceful but reckless all at once. 

He would have been a great man. 

Alex says none of this, instead lays a hand on Philip's shoulder, gives a light squeeze that he hopes conveys his message. Philip beams like the sun, places a hand over his, as if to say 'I know, I know.'

They reach the cottage, with its pretty pale blue exterior and large windows, flowers lined up on a walkway to the front door, and Alexander realizes how nervous he is. Who else will he see again? Will they be disappointed in him? Will they hate him?

Will John hate him?

His son seems to notice his distress, gives him a small, reassuring smile, one that tries to convey that everything will be alright. Without much more preamble, Philip waltzes to the front door, swinging it open loudly. 

Alex follows after him, barely taking in his surroundings. He hears voices, feels the adrenaline in his veins, feels his sudden need to ignore all else and get to John. 

"We have returned!"Philip calls, looking back at his father before entering another room.  
"Though it seems Pop is more interested in finding John than anything else."

Alexander reluctantly steps into the room as well, quickly glancing around. It's a small kitchen, containing a stove, some cupboards, and a table that seats five. He's a little confused, before he notices who else is in the room, eyes widening in surprise and excitement. 

"Washington! Martha! It's been far too long!"he exclaims, and Washington laughs, stepping forward to take Alex into a bone-crushing hug. 

"Nice to see you too, son. Seems your in good shape. Here too early, but you always were good at getting in to trouble,"Washington states, and when he smiles, his eyes crinkle at the edges. 

"I missed you,"Alexander replies before he can truly think about it, and Washington only laughs loudly in response. 

"You going soft on me, Alexander?" he questions playfully, raising an eyebrow, and Alex bites his lip, trying to hold back his smile. 

"Well, maybe a little. Not important right now, though,"he says, words rushing out of him and blurring together slightly. It is then that Martha steps forward, breaking off the conversation she was having with Philip, wrapping an arm around Alex. 

"I assume you want to go find your John now, yes?"She asks smoothly, and Alex leans into her touch slightly, nodding. 

"You'll find him out back. Just keep walking until you see the tree, he should be there. Loves to sit under it and sketch whatever comes to mind."

Alex gives her a peck on the cheek as thanks, bidding all of them farewell for now as he moves through the small house, exiting through the back door. 

There is a winding trail, moving through a meadow of perfectly green grass. There is nothing but the trail, and Alex would perhaps be frightened if he weren't so eager to see his love.

He begins to follow it, allows himself to be comforted by the soft, cool breeze that blows, the sound of the grass swaying with it. He runs, runs even though he knows he has time now, even though he's vaguely aware that John probably won't go anywhere.

It's been years, and Alexander misses him fiercely, misses him so much that he feels it deep down in his bones. Misses those warm eyes, soft skin covered in stars. He misses his smile, almost too bright to look at, misses the way he looks at Alex as if he could do no wrong. 

He finally sees it, a vibrant cherry blossom tree among miles and miles of grass, and runs faster. He almost collides with the tree itself, almost trips over his own feet, and then he's face to face with wide eyes and freckles. 

"John,"he exhales, like a promise, and before he can say another thing, John is standing, tears streaming down his beautiful face. 

"You're here,"he breathes, as if he can't believe it, and Alexander laughs, realizes he's crying now, too. 

"Jackie,"is all he mumbles out, reverence seeping into his tone, heart beating loudly in his ears.  
(strange, considering he no longer has a pulse)

John slowly approaches him, raises a hand to gently place on Alexander's cheek, still in shock at his presence. Alex places his own hand over John's, leans into his touch with a smile on his face. They're both sobbing, both choking out nonsensical words, and it feels right. 

It doesn't feel like an end at all. It feels like a beginning, like forever, and Alex's heart is still a little bit broken, but he bares it and willingly gives it to John regardless. Always will, for as long as John will take it. 

When he looks at him, the hole that has been in his chest is suddenly filled again.  
He leans forward, placing a soft kiss to those lips that he adores, and there's no place he'd rather be. 

He's here, he's here

He's home.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end of all of this woo  
> Please excuse my garbage writing. I lost motivation for this at some point, but I really wanted to finish it, so I threw something together as best as I could.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
